


let me in (my love is calling out for you)

by raleighocean



Series: An Original Horror Story [11]
Category: American Horror Story
Genre: 2021, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-19 14:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22712329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raleighocean/pseuds/raleighocean
Summary: Audrey wanted to live a normal life and she thought she was in the right path to it, however, when she discovers that she’s in some kind of probation by Danielle’s daughter…well, her bits of courage just fell to the floor like broken pieces of china. In her try to handle it on her own for once, trying to maybe square up to all her fears, she fell again to the endless pit that were her insecurities. And, without knowing, she drags Danielle with her too.
Relationships: Audrey Tindall/Original Character(s)
Series: An Original Horror Story [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1305791





	let me in (my love is calling out for you)

Upon opening her eyes, Audrey only curled better in herself, grabbing better the quilt against her and indulging in the soft lemon, warmth and sleep scent.

The bed felt twice bigger than usual and she had a while without feeling so small, frowning slightly to the thought, but her eyes went to find her phone first thing and checked if she had a message. It only passed three more hours since Danielle had left for work, her daughter following behind like everyday, but her scent was still lingering everywhere. Comforting, without doubt, but it also awoke the little bug she had everyday messing up in her stomach.

It wasn’t a good bug, it didn’t make her want to stay put and enjoy her girlfriend’s home for a while longer; it was a bad one and it was making her want to flee.

With care, Audrey started to finally move, pointing where Danielle had folded her clothes from yesterday and when she got them, her eyes landed in one of her girlfriend’s yarn sweaters. Will she mind? She asked herself for a second, the soft sweater in her hands...and then decided she probably won’t.

The bug was placated again when she made her way downstairs, one of her hands tugging at the  _ too long  _ sleeve from the sweater and bring it up to her nose. This one had Danielle’s perfume all over, almost spent from a whole day wearing it, but enough for Audrey to finally crack the second smile of the day. The first one had been when Danielle had kissed her before leaving and told her she was pretty much free to stay around, the memory fresh while she got breakfast, and Audrey truly wanted to do so...but something in her told her to just leave.

How much would she want to forget what she saw or to rewind in that moment, everything displaying in her head while looking around the empty house from the open kitchen. 

Danielle had been getting the dishwasher charged while Audrey got out from the master bedroom, freshly showered, and upon hearing her in the upper floor she had asked her if she could see if Damien got any glasses or maybe a bowl in her room, so she could get it all in one charge. Audrey had only hummed a ‘on my way’ absentmindedly and went to retrieve it. The door was ajar and she knocked, however Damien wasn’t there and she could hear her in the bathroom, and Audrey had already gained her trust enough to just jump in and out of the teenager’s room without much trouble.

The place was a mess that probably was gonna get fixed as soon Damien’s mother noticed, but Audrey navigated quickly through it to find what she was asked for. She found a couple cups over the desk and a small plate, which upon retrieving it made Audrey fix her eyes in the open notebook there. She asked herself what would Damien was studying and took a quick glance...just to find it wasn’t a school notebook.

There were scores here and there, all over both open pages, and in between the tight and messy handwriting, she caught her name. 

Oh, she really should had got out from there in that second, but the only thing Audrey did was to take the notebook in her hands and went through the pages. Most of them were dated and she went as far as around five months ago, when Danielle and her started to date formally. And...well, as much as she could see over the throbbing pain that was getting its way to behind her eyes, Damien took her sweet time to keep a record of things she had said to her.

However, it was when she got around the first month pages that she  _ saw  _ it. And it made her so sick to her stomach that she dropped the notebook over the desk as if it was on fire, not minding anymore about that and getting out of the room with the cups and the plate. 

She was lucky Danielle was getting something from her car when she made her way to the kitchen, because it took her a few minutes to recompose herself enough to pass her nervous demeanor as ‘I finished it from loading it, but this dishwasher have too many buttons and...well, I was waiting for you’ when Danielle finally came back with her briefcase in hands and asking why Audrey looked a bit off.

Closing her eyes, she tried to focus in how Danielle had kissed her sweetly against the counter instead of how her daughter had wrote a diary’s entry in which read ‘ _ last husband died? -10. _ ’ in red and black marker.

Audrey’s heart skipped a beat painfully, making her open her eyes again and start to clean the countertop from anything that could be a potential bother in the next hours. Sighing deeply, she fished her phone out of her back pocket to check any unread message since she usually put her phone in night mode when she was staying over with at Danielle’s. Getting a bit comfortable on the couch, she tapped at the screen to discover a few texts from three different chats and still feeling a bit miserable, she decided to went for the big ‘family’ group chat to see in which madness they spiraled in barely a quarter of the day.

Turning on the television to have some background noise, Audrey read how Danna had managed to...bake? or more like build an impressive cake for some client that order it for a birthday lunch or something, having Ally laughing and joking that she had two breakdowns over the chocolate in six hours while Dahlia asked for the recipe and Shelby half begged to not give it to her. Danielle was nowhere to be sean in the group chat, but Dara sent some pertinent stickers here and there and Billie joked about how now her wife was making puppy eyes at her to go buy chocolate cake.

She couldn’t help to giggle, quoting the picture with a  _ ‘amazing yeah, but I don’t see any strbers there’  _ and quickly changed the chat for Danielle’s, who had sent her picture of her desk already loaded with folders - which Audrey had the feeling were there since a couple days ago - and her arm in scene to show a middle finger up to said folders around the time she arrived there; another one not long ago of her with a face that totally said ‘i’m gonna kill a bitch’ while she was pushing her glasses over her head; and then a text reminding Audrey she had left coffee made for her, cup and blue heart emoji at the end. She sent her some replies, a ‘ _ you are a blessing _ ’ to the coffee one and some laughs at the pics while asking how was it going and if she needed to go get her from jail for throwing someone out of the window.

Knowing she wouldn’t get a reply until later, taking in count her last connection was a hour and a half ago, she got then to Billie’s chat finally, which had more messages. While she was navigating through them, mostly Billie telling her about her last three hectic days at work, Danna replied with a big ‘ _ WELL, IF SOME PEOPLE PAYED A VISIT THERE WOULD BE’  _ and a cake emoji. Audrey knew soon Danielle would reply to her sister, twin sense warning her of the bickering even without looking at her phone, so she kept reading Billie with a soft smile on her lips because it felt good to have her texting back again.

When she got to the last text, the one that was asking her about how was she, she couldn’t get to reply because a sudden ring echoed through the living room, startling her. She blinked, confused, and then her eyes landed in the phone...because of course, Danielle still had landline. 

Was it maybe one of those telemarketing people? For half a second, she considered not to pick up, but maybe was something important. Or maybe was Danielle herself, who knows? Audrey missed how the screen of her cellphone lighted up with a notification from her girlfriend, but she already got the phone in hand.

“Hello?” her voice was firm, and then a tentative voice came out of the other side of the line. “ _ Good morning, may I speak with miss Bishop? I’m her daughter’s high school principal, _ ” that closed Audrey’s throat immediately, but she managed to reply. “She’s not at home at the moment, but I’m...her partner, did something happen? Can I help you?” and there was this tight sensation in her stomach, so tight but at the same time comforting saying out loud who she was, that her focus went directly to Damien and wonder if something may have happened. “ _ Actually, her daughter has gotten into a fight with another girl and we needed her to come and…” _

And Audrey’s mind started to work in another different timeline.

She never thought she would get to the point in which she received a call like that. Audrey gave totally up thinking about herself as a mother, but when she started dating with Danielle it came with finding her place in a closer situation. As she took her bag, throwing her phone in and her wallet with the rest of her stuff, she tried to push aside whatever displeasure she had at the moment because this was serious and she needed to get there as soon as possible.

It took her a few minutes more to find a place to park, but once she was out of the car something heavy fell over her shoulders. Should she call Danielle? Or should she handle this first and then call her? Audrey didn't know how to proceed but she got herself into this mess because she still cared about Damien's wellbeing as much as she was upset with her, so she was going to try and fix it. It was weird being in a high school but she tried to walk with the confidence of one of her old theatre roles, swifting into a different persona so she could handle this with cold mind.

When she finally got to the principal's office, the first thing Audrey noticed was a pretty beaten up Damien, lower lip split and incoming matching bruise to her cheek along some scraps here and there. Her heart shrinked to her chest and when Damien noticed she was there, something in her light brown eyes lighted but she didn't move. The other girl was there too, with which Audrey supposed were her parents looked at her not really nice, but it only made her place better behind Damien and put a comforting hand in her shoulder so at least she knew she was there.

And the second the principal started to explain the situation at hand, Audrey felt how her facade started to melt with who she really was.

Of course, when the man explained briefly what had happened, he asked both of them to explain themselves better and the other child started to give her part with as many points as she could to clearly save her own ass. Damien, broody and skippy, refused to say much more than the obvious and Audrey knew there was something more behind that attitude. So she took to her hands defending her...defending Danielle's child as if she was defending her girlfriend.

Which impressed Damien to see her mother's partner braver than the usual.

By the time they got to the car, finally safe and sound, two weeks of suspension against nothing had become one week to each and a insane load of work to do, which was middle ground if you put it by how far worse was going to be. Audrey felt exhausted, more than she wanted to admit, but after counting three she was buckling herself and pulling over to get back to the house. She didn't even bring herself to check her phone, because she felt very tempted to go and call her girlfriend to inform her.

But for some reason, she didn't, and Audrey wanted to give Damien the benefit of the doubt.

"Did you tell  _ mamon  _ about this…?" Damien spoke so low that Audrey was glad she didn't put music, because she may had missed it.

"No, I do not, because you are going to tell her yourself," Audrey knew she would have to do some technical remarks to Danielle, but the folder that both were trying to ignore had everything inside for the actual mother to know. "Damien, what were you thinking? What really happened?"

And somehow, her voice didn't rise a bit. Audrey was so drained in that moment, emotionally talking, that she couldn't bring herself to be an ounce mad. Damien didn't even turn around, her eyes fixed in whatever she was doing in her phone and then it was when annoyance hit her, a tad enough to snap into a more loud 'hey'.

"I know I'm not you mother but I'm trying to save your ass here, buddy," she kept driving, furrowed frown as she made a right because a tiny voice in her head reminded her there really wasn’t any food at Danielle’s house. "It takes more than a notebook to make people go for a full fight, you know? I'm not stupid."

Damien looked at Audrey then, upon hearing those exact words, and something clicked there in her brain for a second. But the blonde woman didn’t notice the sudden panic in the teen’s face, not because she was asking to explain herself but because the weird passing anxiety she had been feeling for three weeks finally settled. Audrey glanced at her from the corner of her eye and sighed deeply when Damien didn’t say a word again, pulling over in the supermarket parking lot. 

Great, another nail to her coffin.

When Damien didn’t move, Audrey knocked in the glass to get her attention. Danielle was used to let her do whatever she wanted in those daily situations, but Audrey was already riled with anxiety and the last thing she wanted was to leave Damien unattended in the car after what happened. The girl moved, in automatic, to follow Audrey closely and still without a word, while they started to travel across the different aisles. Both were moving together, making quite the pair, but never got to talk during all the time Audrey spent picking stuff to get something in their bellies once at home.

Audrey gave up on trying to get the truth out of Damien, so she only interacted with her with banal stuff that was left unresponded because the girl was too in her head, still brooding, to pay attention aside from the basic motor skills. That didn't help to ease Audrey skyrocketing anxiety, it was making it worse indeed, because each second passed proved to her that all the things she was anxious for were true.

Damien, in her side of things, decided to keep it together as much as possible. She was good at following orders, following whatever was needed of her. But she couldn't bring herself to answer Audrey, because every time she looked at her the only thing in her head was that she should talk about the diary with her.

She knew right off the bat Audrey knew about it, the second she came back to the room and asked aloud to her mother if she had been in her room in fact. 

Damien had been putting some thoughts on her diary and when she went to write again, it wasn't in the page she left it open. Danielle had said no at that time, but told her daughter that Audrey had been to retrieve some cups - which led to a five minutes reminder of why she should get dirty dishes down once she was done with them. But deep inside her, really deep, she knew Audrey knew.

Why would she started coming to the house less and less often if not? Coming late at night and be gone before breakfast the times she passed by? Not talking with Damien anymore about her worries about her mom or about some of her other worries? Danielle stopping by Audrey's loft in her way home from work more often?

She totally knew about the diary, without doubt. 

The worst of it all was having her mother asking her if maybe Audrey had said something to her, because she knew Damien and Audrey talked more since they spent more time alone together. She had to play dumb, afraid of what her reaction would be if she knew how she had a full log of having her girlfriend in  _ probation _ , shrugging and overall just exchanging looks with her mother when she noticed Audrey pulling away. And then how Danielle had called everyone in their shared social circle in case someone knew something, if maybe Audrey had talked to them.

She even overheard her mother asking Audrey directly, once Damien got up to the bathroom, because they were in the couch, cuddling and watching television before going to bed. And Danielle didn't get any response aside of 'I've been a bit busy and tired, that's all Dani.' and a kiss.

Damien's growing guilt got worse as soon as she caught a glimpse of Audrey's tired expression while she was paying the groceries. 

The trip back home was a silent one and once they were there, she kept following Audrey's soft instructions while getting late lunch ready. At least she got her to stop talking altogether aside of the basics, so her guilt steadied enough to keep down the food. But for Audrey didn't seem the case, as much as she could see, because she barely touched her plate.

"I'll be out of your hair as soon as your mother comes home," Audrey said when Damien started to clear the table. "So you two can talk in private without me being around."

It felt like a well deserved stab for a fifteen years old girl, one that actually decided to call home on purpose, instead to her mother, full knowing the short haired blonde was going to be there. There was something in Audrey's words that made her stomach churn annoyingly and with the remains of the rage she felt at school hours ago. And the next thing she knew, it was her mumbling surely loud enough ' _ yeah, that's better than having you here watching like you always do'. _

Damien was too focused in forgetting her own discomfort, washing the dishes, to see the broken expression Audrey got upon hearing her. But her own tears got to her eyes, having to blink and rub her eyes to keep them at bay, feeling like the biggest hypocrite on Earth right in that moment. 

And with all of that, Damien set off to her room afterwards, leaving Audrey to herself. Which probably was the best for the adult, because the only thing the teen did once locked in her room was to cry and cry out of guilt, out of rage, out of anxiety, out of ‘ _ why did I have to punch Vera Cobbers _ ’ and ‘ _ why I can’t go back in time _ ’. Curled in her bed, Damien tried to forget what was going to come inevitably, but as two painful hours passed...she knew her time was coming to an end.

Getting up, Damien went directly to where the diary was hidden and took it with trembling hands. What if she came clear with Audrey first and then when her mother arrived...well, let the rest of the problem blow up? The only thought of telling the blonde downstairs pushed her tears harder out of her eyes.

And then, she overheard a car outside the house and her time was up. Damien went out of her room at the sound of the car turning off, just in time to catch Audrey getting her stuff back in her bag and standing up from the couch. She didn’t move further than the rail, feeling herself stuck there as a silent spectator, but she could see the whole living room and the kitchen from where she stood.

When Danielle make it into view, her blazer and briefcase hanging from her arm, glasses still on, the guilt came to her harder than before. Her mother threw her stuff, a very unlike move coming from her, in the loveseat and, with her face lit with happiness, circled Audrey with her arms and lifted her in the air while giving her a big kiss. She couldn’t picture her mother being that happy to come home even if she tried to, but there she was, not letting go of Audrey.

“Oh god, today was awful,” Danielle’s voice was a bit muffled, her face now hidden in Audrey’s neck while Audrey hugged her by the shoulders. “I thought I was going nuts...but having you here made it definitely worth.”

Damien started to move then, slowly going downstairs and trying not make a single sound while Danielle fixed Audrey’s hair with love, giving her a soft peck to her lips. 

Then, Audrey saw Damien over Danielle’s shoulder, and all her effort to keep it together started to crumble right away. She felt the need to break the hug, now lose and soft because Danielle was just indulging in her presence after pushing her glasses up in her head, and doing so was really easy when Audrey put a hand to Danielle’s cheek and kissed her sweetly and light.

“Well, now you are home...” she chuckled a bit, catching the soft smirk in her girlfriend’s lips. “...but I have to go darling, I was just waiting for you to come home so I could welcome you.”

Seeing the soft smirk disappear as fast as it came, rushed the terrible feeling already growing and about to overflow in Audrey. Danielle took off her glasses, pulling back her hair with her hand and then putting them back, making her illegally  _ handsome _ . She took her hand, lacing fingers, and looked at her with the worry again filling her eyes.

“C’mon  _ chère, _ ” Danielle swinged their laced hands and tugged a bit. “Stay? Please, we barely spend time together these days, is because we always have take out? I promise I’ll try and and and...cook something, whatever, even if we have to dinner at ten.”

Even with the joke laced, Audrey could hear the hurt and light panic in Danielle’s voice. But she needed to go before Damien started hating her more, and she totally didn’t want anything to do with why she had to get her from high school hours ago, enough she had done for the girl and was thrown to her face like it meant nothing.

“Take out is just fine, it’s just that I really have to go,” Damien was already a couple meters away and Danielle seemed to sense her finally. “I promise to call you later, okay? We’ll plan something for the weekend and...”

Then Audrey saw Damien start to cry, the words getting stuck in her throat right away, and her  _ flight  _ response ringed through her body like it was an earthquake alarm going off. The girl sprinted towards her mother and Danielle got no time to catch her daughter in her arms, her mother’s senses coming up immediately. Audrey managed to hear, between sobs, how Damien was speaking in french really fast and Danielle’s expression darkened with worry and confusion a second later.

“What? Dada, slower, what are you talking about? What diary?” if Audrey heard sweetness in Danielle’s tone, now it was all gone. “Why are you crying? Look at m-” and the second Damien looked up, incoming bruise to her cheek and split lower lip, Danielle got pale. 

It was then when Audrey stopped from hearing something at all, mumbling a quick ‘I’ll leave you two alone’ before getting the  _ fuck out  _ of the house. If Danielle called for her, she didn’t hear it, because her anxiety was unbearable by the time she got in her own car and drove off in the verge of the attack.

She needed to get home,  _ now.  _

Unaware of her best friend’s whereabouts for the whole day, Billie worried. 

Obviously she would worry, Audrey was always excited and chatty when Billie texted her after days of work away, already planning when they would meet up the second the medium got all the stress out of her system. But Audrey had left her on read, maybe she was busy today, and then she got busy with laundry and cleaning the kitchen because Dara had asked her before having to rush out of the house because of work.

To the time Dara came back, Billie was fast asleep in their bed because jet-lag kicked her like a bitch, and then she didn’t have time to think about Audrey a bit more because upon opening her eyes, her now  _ wife  _ was fresh out of the shower only covered with her flowery silk robe, hair wrapped in a towel and phone in hand. Billie couldn’t keep herself from catching Dara by her middle, making her cutely yelp, to get her in her lap to finally enjoy what she missed for those too  _ fucking  _ long shooting days.

Billie’s phone was in the kitchen counter, so none of them hear it when it started to ring, but when Dara’s phone started to vibrate somewhere in the bed, lost between sheets and their bodies, and Billie started to try reach for it while kissing and devouring each other.

“Annie, your pho- _ Oh fuck _ , biting? M-move your leg,” Billie laugh ringed when Dara, under her, started to give her actual love bites while moving her leg as she was asked to. Blindly, Billie took advantage of that to make Dara circle her waist with said leg and then her hand felt the bed in search for the phone. “That’s so, so...you are going to be the death of me, I swear,” Billie finally got the device, eyes closed because now Dara was sucking on her pulse point, but picking up the same. “G-good evening, miss Lynch can’t come on the p-phone right n-”

It was then when Billie heard Audrey panicked voice coming out of the speaker in such shocking way that it made her freeze on the spot and open her eyes, alert in a matter of seconds. 

“Audrey, hey, Audrey listen to me,” and then Dara was alert too, confused look in her eyes and hands resting in Billie’s hips. “Breathe in, breathe out. Can you make it upstairs? Pumpkin, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” then Billie was off her wife in a beat, rolling in bed to go to her side and start putting the nearest shoes she had. She turned around to look at Dara and she was just getting dressed at light speed, already a leg in some sweatpants. “I’ll be there in…” Dara, serious face on, whispered ‘ _ ten _ ’ before pulling a shirt over her bare torso and the same flowery robe on top. “Ten minutes; if you can’t get home, sit in the stairs and wait there, okay? Okay,” Billie felt out of air, head spinning with the alarm and the last bits of arousal hanging to her lungs, but she started to move behind Dara towards the door the same. “Sweetheart, everything is going to be okay, I’m on my way.”

The only thing she got clear was that Audrey was having a panic attack and that Dara was driving too fast for someone wearing slippers. But she didn’t care about anything in else in that moment, pulling her hair into a ponytail and then holding Dara’s purse along their phones to keep her hands occupied. She felt a tingly sensation against the skin she hadn’t covered, as if something was trying to get into her, but Billie closed her eyes and  _ pushed  _ against it before looking at how composed was her wife while driving.

Without make-up on, Dara looked younger, yes, but more tired, worry lines in her soft sweet face. When was the last time she had looked like that? Was she sleeping well those days? What was worrying her?

But all those questions were pushed back when they pulled over in front of Audrey’s building and practically ran with their friend in mind. Billie was the first one to arrive, taking in count Dara was hobbling behind her, without her cane to support her fully she couldn’t run or walk without feeling unsteady with every step. By the time Dara got to the loft, Billie had Audrey wrapped in her arms, both sitting in the floor while the oldest of them was caressing the other’s back to calm her down. The medium was listening to the broken and confusing mess that was Audrey in that moment, and in between she was starting to make sense out of it.

It wasn’t good that Audrey was feeling again like that, like she was a waste of space  _ and  _ time. Like she had the weight of the whole world on her shoulders and as if the whole world was watching her about to drop it all, make a mess and laugh at her.

“...Billie?” and her sobs were so heartbreaking that twisted something inside Billie, who was pressing soft kisses to Audrey’s head taking advantage that she was now hiding in her neck and had Dara kneeling by them, brushing with care Audrey’s short hair out of her face. “D-did Rory died b-because of m-me…?”

The couple shared a surprised look and then they both felt something in the back of their neck, pocking at them for attention. From where was that coming from? Not the sensation, but Audrey’s question, which left them speechless for a minute.

“Wh-Audrey, no,” something in Billie flared up, something long buried after four years, and she made Audrey look at her in the eyes. “Absolutely no, Rory didn’t die because of you. I watched those tapes with you, I was there when they made you go through the stupid tapes and it totally wasn’t your fault in any possible way.” And Billie wanted to say ‘ _ and I heard him saying it, from the good side, so it could reach to you better _ ’ too so bad, but refrained herself.

“You weren’t at fault, Drey, you totally weren’t,” Dara mumbled that, pressing a kiss behind Audrey’s ear sweetly to ease her more, her arms wrapping both blondes in a hug. “What made you think about that again…? Did someone said something to you? A weirdo on the internet?"

From all the things Billie thought that could’ve trigger such deep and dark part of Audrey, she totally didn’t expect that at all. 

The second Audrey started to explain what had been happening the last three weeks, how she had been trying to deal with everything in her own, to be brave and try to handle things as if she could overcome them alone...well, it made Billie's brain to stop working. Not only she couldn't wrap her head around Audrey's behaviour, she couldn't wrap her head at how Danielle was so  _ blind  _ to not see something was going on right under her nose. And what had happened during the day? Well, that was another thing to the pile of problems. And the diary? Oh God help her, that put the cherry on top of it all. 

A cherry full of her own rage, waiting for her to take it and unleash its power.

When they managed to calm the actress down enough, sitting her in the couch and lighting up a cigarette for her - Dara took the package from the car before running behind her wife and was the one putting it between her lips to give it back to Audrey already lit -, Billie tried to calm down too, lighting another cigarette for herself.

"Let's calm down first and then we'll see what to do about this, okay?" Dara pressed her fingers to the back of her neck. "I'm sure there have to be a full explanation for this."

But it wasn't the nicotine what was helping her relax, it was that tickling sensation in her skin again. Her eyes went to Dara, trying to wrap Audrey in a blanket because she was trembling, and she knew it was her presence what was really helping ease the knot in her head. And maybe that was what actually made Billie finally snap.

"No Dara, stop."

"Stop what?" Audrey looked at Billie and then at Dara, who was frowning with confusion. And she was pretty sure the tallest woman was confused more about hearing her first name than the order.

"This, whatever you are doing right now," Billie pushed again against the sensation, her rage growing, and Dara stood up in front of her, arms crossed under her chest and reminding Billie what she was not wearing under. "I know they are your family, and that you will defend them always, but this got to another level. What your niece did was plainly mean and stupid, and sorry, but the last thing Audrey needs right now is being reminded of all this." then Billie pointed with her hand to Audrey, trying to wipe her face with her sweater's sleeve. "Look at what happened! Audrey worked hard to get some kind of normalcy and now it was thrown out of the window."

Dara couldn't say a word to that. She didn't have enough strength to bring herself to reply, so she only let Billie calm down after getting that out of her system. Her leg was cramping as they were speaking, strained from the sudden movement plus the whole day walking here and there at work, and she needed to take a seat but she didn't want to seat in the couch, where Billie was now comforting Audrey.

She had listened through the whole problem, trying to keep her cool and think for a solution instead of pointing fingers, and unfortunately everyone was at fault in some way... except maybe Danielle. 

Danielle that, for sure, the worst thing she did in this scenario was to not keep pushing for some kind of response to why her girlfriend was acting weirdly.

Of course Damien was...stupid for writing a full log about her mother's girlfriend, it was such a teenager thing to do? But that didn't take the fault away at all, because she was plainly cruel...and well, Audrey only showed her niece that she could trust in her and that she wanted the best for Danielle.

But also Audrey should have told Danielle what was going on instead of bottling it up. It was meant to explode, sooner or later, and maybe Dara could blame it to the new of their relationship but that miscommunication wasn't a mere ' _ oops, I forgot the oven on _ '. Dara knew from where Audrey was coming from, all the trauma and the dark thoughts and the days of not seeing an end to her depression, because she had been there by her side, however that didn't give her a free pass to do as she pleased.

And Billie...well, how could she tell her wife all of that without having her at her neck? She knew how  _ protective _ Billie was of Audrey, it was one of her weak spots, so even if she helped in the 'get Danielle and Audrey together' intervention plan, it was obvious which side was she gonna get in when problems happened.

"Call her," Billie's sudden strong voice brought Dara back to Earth, who was brushing her still a bit wet hair back with both hands. "Call your cousin right now."

"Honey, I don't think…"

"You don't think what, that she can't handle being told to put her kid in place!?" and there was this edge in Billie's voice that Dara didn't like at all, the snarky tone. Sometimes you didn't need to be screaming on top of your lungs to make others to recoil and feel bad. "Put her on speaker, I'm done with this foolery."

Sighing deeply, Dara walked towards where Billie had left their stuff. It strained her more, hiding the discomfort of not having her cane with her, and once she got her phone in her hands she made the few steps to the couch slower. She gave up already in trying to make Billie be rational for once, so if she wanted to face a probably enraged Danielle...well, she was on her own.

After a few tones, Danielle's voice came out. Her own tone was thick and with an accent mixed deeply in her words. Dara herself knew when someone was switching languages, used to that after years and years.

" _ Dal, can I call you later? _ " Dara felt the tiredness in her cousin's voice, laced with something more. She caught Audrey looking up at her, the hurt in her eyes." _ This isn't really a good time." _

"Of course it is!" Billie snatched the phone from Dara's hand and frowned, gripping it tightly. "Listen here, you better give your kid an earful or I'll d-"

Dara didn't expect, not even in a hundred years, for someone to be able to cut Billie's speech in such violent manner. If Audrey had recovered some color in the last minutes, she lost it upon listening to Danielle's enraged voice. 

" _What do you think I'm doing, Howard!?_ " Dara even held her next breathing. " _For fuck's sake, don't ever tell me what I have to do or not,_ _because I do know it very well,"_ they three could hear how Danielle took a deep breath before keep on speaking. " _I know you are with her, so please, take care of Audrey. I'll be there as soon as possible._ "

Dara didn't expect either to hear someone hanging up on Billie.

Thick tears started to run down Audrey's cheeks again and then Billie left Dara's phone in the coffee table, taking her friend's hand in her free one to reassure her that everything would be alright. For Dara, it only meant that she wanted to get herself busy with whatever so she didn't have to think in this mess that was giving her a headache already.

So she decided to make some tea, full knowing they would need it. Her mother always said tea was the best choice to calm people's nerves. So she got for herself that task, not wanting to face her friend nor her wife in that moment. Dara took her time to put the kettle - because Audrey of course had one, could she get more british? - in the stove and search for some tea bags - fuck it, she was going full fake posh, water heated with a kettle but teabags to accompany.

When she was done with that, Audrey and Billie had moved to the balcony to smoke, so she only left their cups in the counter and got herself a corner of the kitchen to silently sip to her own cup.

Was she selfish for wanting to have a day in peace? The only thing she had wanted from the second Billie got home from filming around midday was to spend the day the two of them alone. But not only she had to go in her  _ day off _ to work anyway, but all this had happened. 

Now the least thing she wanted was to go back to what was interrupted. That was a missed chance already, and well, to be completely honest, it wasn't like Billie was going to sleep that night in their bed. If she wanted to be irrational and mean when the only thing Dara wanted was to calm things down, well, the couch was welcoming her already.

She couldn't even bring herself to look at Billie once they were inside again, no more tears in sight and their teas mild at this point. Dara had served herself her second cup of tea by the time the front door opened, her eyes immediately going there while she saw Billie standing up from the couch again.

"Dani," Dara wanted to go hug her cousin, getting herself one of those awkward side hugs the woman gave, but she stayed where she was when her eyes went to her niece, seeing how bad the high school fight actually got. "Oh wow, I hope the oth-"

She cut herself from keep talking when Danielle raised her hand, to stop her from finish what she was saying. Now that she could actually look at her, Dani didn't even got time to change clothes and, wearing heels, she was even taller and scarier with her work looks, her face not showing much emotion but her eyes had a troubled glint, all hidden behind her glasses. Then she looked at her daughter, barely a glance, and then Damien stepped forward to talk to Audrey, as if she knew what she had to do the moment they put a foot in the apartment.

"I'm sorry Audrey," Damien's voice was clear, a bit congested because of the crying - her puffy red eyes giving it away -, but clear enough for all of them to hear it. "I...I didn't have to do that and I had to talk to you about it, but I was a coward. I had to tell  _ mamon _ what was happening to you," she sniffed a bit and Audrey was looking up to her, tired expression in her face. "I was an asshole. You only wanted to be nice…" then Damien looked briefly to Danielle, who was crossing her arms under her chest. "Thank you, for picking me up from school and help me there...I may have suspension for a week, but boss grounded me to eternity...” And her tiny giggle managed to ease the tension in the living room somehow, ever so soft. “...do you hate me now…?”

“Ah...no, I don’t hate you Damien,” Dara saw how Audrey stood up so she could talk to Damien better, her hands trying to find somewhere to land...somewhere that was Damien’s shoulders. “But I’m upset with you, because...well, I was only trying to get on well with you, I’m not your enemy. And things you wrote there...well, were actually true...for me, at least, in my head.”

“Okay,” her voice so tiny, Dara knew her niece was about to cry again and that for sure would make Audrey cry. Billie only seemed about to pop a vessel and Danielle shifted in her spot. Her own throbbing headache starting to get annoying. “I k-know...even when you make me try those green smoothies. That’s kinda evil though.”

That earned a tired laugh from Audrey but then she just leant to hug Damien, who clinged to her as if her life depended on it. Dara couldn’t hear what her niece mumbled to her friend, making her to look at Danielle for a second before whispering what could be ‘ _ I won’t darling, don’t worry _ ’ and letting go of the hug. And Dara thought that was the best time to finally made their leave.

“Why don’t you stay at home with us tonight, dear?” Her voice went out calm in spite of feeling how her head was about to crack in two and Danielle finally looked at her, nodding and giving her permission right away. “I think it’s for the best, I promise I will totally not order italian and make you eat bland spaguetti with tuna, which I’m the best at cooking it.” She chuckled when Damien put a disgusted face before looking between the other three women. “You three do your thing.”

Dara hid how bad was actually her limp right in that moment by flickering her fingers, making Damien go with her and use her as support. It was then when Billie reacted, her attention finally drifting from Audrey to her wife again while she was taking Danielle’s car and house keys from her hand. Billie’s keys were in the counter, where she had left them when they arrived, and Damien took her purse for her. Dara knew for a fact Billie was staying.

She was done with this for today.

Now the plan in her head drifted to take Damien to her house to take a change of clothes and then drive to their apartment with Danielle’s car. She was about to leave when she heard someone walking towards her and then Billie was taking her hand in hers. They were away from Audrey and Danielle’s eyes, thanks to the entrance wall, and Dara gestured Damien to go ahead and wait in the car.

“Annie,” it warmed Dara’s heart to hear Billie call her like that again, with a more relaxed tone. She raised then her hand to press it to Dara’s cheek and then she pressed a kiss to her lips, tiny and warm. “I’m sorry...for yelling at you, I lost my temper there.”

“Oh, I know you’re sorry Bills,” Dara smiled tiredly to Billie and then went to caress her cheek, giving her a couple pats before kissing her in the corner of her lips and turning around to leave. “Still, the couch will be waiting for you tonight.”

When Danielle heard the front door closing, the weight in her shoulders eased a bit. Her eyes went to Audrey, trying to find the right words to say to her. She wanted to do this right, she wanted Audrey to see she could trust in her with whatever instead of bottling things up. What Damien wrote in that...notebook, was still very much wrong and not only she betrayed Audrey’s trust but Danielle felt the betrayal too coming from too many directions.

Since when her daughter started to hide things from her? Since when her girlfriend decided to hide this from her?

But there she was, getting a scold? from the only person in this world she didn’t want to have there. Billie had came back to the living room, her face totally giving away all the pent up anger she had been holding, and then started the biggest rant against her. Everything she was saying, Danielle could see it; her worry for Audrey, to not let something bad happen to her again...everything Danielle also wanted. 

The day she had entered into this relationship, she knew it wasn’t going to be easy mostly because Audrey and her had this  _ enormous  _ bag in their backs. And she understood when things got rough, understood that both needed time to get back on their tracks, but somewhere along all of this...she felt that she got lost.

Audrey, in that exact moment, couldn’t take her eyes off her girlfriend. Billie was going full rant without getting any reply, but Audrey could see how Danielle was tightening her fists each second passing and then...it was like someone turned up the volume.

“...so tell me, Bishop, what are you going to do now, mhm?” Billie’s neck was red and her eyes full of something Audrey didn’t see before. “Stand there in silence while she’s suffering?”

There was a change in Danielle, enough to make her look at Audrey before facing the other blonde. She wasn’t going to lie and say she wasn’t afraid of what her girlfriend was going to say next, indeed, Audrey was pretty much afraid of her opinion. Danielle was always the one taking the realistic side of things, to have twenty plans before the situations collided, to hold everything inside because she  _ was used  _ to being in charge, and also to be the part bringing everyone back to Earth if they started to wander too much.

But who was strong enough to bring Danielle back when she was the one wandering too much?

“I wouldn’t be here if I was going to do that,” her voice wasn’t even wavering, steady and in control, which made it even scarier. “I wouldn’t have put my kid in place the second everything was thrown at me; I wouldn’t have put Audrey, our relationship, over everything else.” Her hand finally moved from being a fist and gestured toward her. “I put everything I have in me to make us work, that’s why I’m here to fix this and overcome it together...because I fucking care about Audrey and, flash news, about us.”

The emphasis in ‘ _ together _ ’ was hard enough to make Billie flinch, but she didn’t recoil a bit. However, it was time for Audrey to actually do what she failed in: trying to fix things on her own. She shook her head for a moment, closed her eyes and put both hands covering her face. The softest ‘ _ god, I just want to be normal like before… _ ’ before gathering all her thoughts left her lips and she didn’t notice how it affected to the other two women. But she now had her thoughts sorted out enough to finally do something with them.

“I wanted to handle this by myself, be brave and stop hiding behind everyone,” Billie looked away upon hearing those words. “I thought I was doing it but...well, it seems it wasn’t like that.”

“You’re the bravest here already Audrey, but all I want is for you to know you can rely on me to handle things. Not alone, but hand in hand. If I have to put out relationship over everything else right now, I’m going to do it and show you that I care.”

That burnt anything Audrey was about to say, the edge in Danielle’s voice taking her by surprise because she knew she was being completely serious here. It shocked her to hear something like that coming from Danielle’s mouth, and Billie seemed to notice because Audrey saw her getting close to check on her. Danielle sighed deeply then when no response came from her girlfriend, and then put up her hands and then together.

“Look, I can leave and come back tomorrow if you need space,” oh, Audrey’s fear started to go up, because she didn’t want Danielle to go. “But I couldn’t let you go without hearing that...that I love you, more than you think and of course over anything that will come our way.” She was being sincere, her eyes always locked with Audrey’s. “Just tell me what you want me to do right now.”

It wasn’t fair not how things worked, Audrey didn’t want Danielle to put their relationship over everything else, she only wanted to be able to be together without having to fall into the pit of insecurities she still had inside. Audrey felt herself soften, letting go of Billie’s hand to hold herself better. Hearing those three sweet words coming from Danielle’s lips was a total blessing, something good for a change.

“I don’t want you to go, I want you to stay and be able to talk...the two of us alone,” then her eyes went to Billie, still by her side and waiting for her to tell her what to do too, knowing her time there was about to end for the day. “And I need another cigarette, for sure, but all I want is to go to bed knowing we’ll be able to have lunch tomorrow like we always do,” then her eyes went to look first to Danielle and then to Billie. “Am I clear?”

Audrey saw how Billie was looking at her and then...she nodded. Danielle did the same, refusing to look anywhere but where they were standing, with something darkening her features. Sometimes the problem with her was that she was too hard to crack, to understand and know what was she feeling...but Audrey was hoping to fix that soon.

“Fine,” it was her turn to sigh painfully deep, walking to get the pack of cigarettes from the coffee table. “Then everything is settled.”

The only thing Billie did was to follow Audrey to the balcony and sharing another cigarette, while finally calming down.

Danielle took advantage of that to slip away to the bathroom, not being able to hold everything anymore. Once she had the door closed behind her back, the facade cracked and fell enough for her to slide down the door and cover her face with both hands. 

For sure she couldn’t cry, she couldn’t since several months ago, but letting out those ragged breathings do help to calm herself down. She wanted to blame everything to someone, but the face that lit up in the crowd as the culprit was only hers. Her own fears rising like this giant tsunami waiting for her weakest and most down time to strike, Danielle closed her eyes to blind herself and not see the incoming doom. 

Taking deep breaths always worked, she told herself, so that’s what she did. Danielle took off her heels after too many hours with them on, focusing in calming herself and standing up again. Taking off her glasses, pushing them up to her head once again, she opened the tap counting how many deep breaths it took her to do the task. Once her hands were clean, she looked at her reflection and started to push everything back in.

Pushing her own fear of failure, of not being enough, of not being able to be supportive as Billie was of Audrey, of not being strong enough. And when she looked again in the mirror, all of that was gone and her usual tired expression looked back at her.

When she managed to get out of the bathroom, it surprised Danielle to be face by Billie, finishing off her cigarette there. She prayed that the blonde didn’t notice her breakdown, quietly waiting in case she had something to say. She wasn’t going to say anything, mostly because usually Danielle didn’t know how to talk with her cousin’s wife, and most of the time was the other woman to start the conversation.

“I left my pack by the microwave, in case she needs another,” Billie raised her own cigarette to put some more emphasis to it and then she got silent for a few seconds more. “Look...I like you, Danielle, I truly do. But I can’t help to worry about Audrey, because I saw what she has gone through and I want her to be happy.” And Danielle could understand that for sure, she was the last one to arrive in this and she knew only the tip of the iceberg. Billie sighed then, seeing that Danielle wasn’t going to say anything, to put her last words to this. “When we got here, Audrey asked me if Rory died because of her. Annie and I told her it wasn’t like that, obviously, but...I think it’s important that you know. She’s still very sensitive of that after four years.”

And then, in the most unexpected move that day, Billie hugged her. It was awkward, oh god, so damn awkward because both were the type of not giving hugs but Danielle tried to circle her, patting her back even.

“Take care of her, Canada,” Billie sighed then and looked at Danielle with somewhat a pained expression. “One more thing...do you think I’m fucked? How much?”

“I don’t think, I know you are,” and that made Billie chuckle, the tension between them easing a bit. “How much depends in what you did, my cousin doesn’t like being yelled at...so as her lawyer, I’m betting for three days couch arrest sentence, if not more.”

With that, Billie was gone, but Danielle couldn’t help but stay there for a few seconds more, indulging in the brief joking moment to get some strength to face Audrey on her own. The corridor seemed longer than it was that day, and when she finally got to the living room Audrey was with her back facing Danielle, both hands in the counter and head hanging a bit.

Danielle knew sometimes they had to sacrifice for each other, and this time it was hers to do so. 

So she went to hug the woman she loved, taking her by surprise, but not letting her go. Danielle closed her eyes, feeling better just by holding Audrey between her arms, and then she finally talked.

“I’m sorry, I love you,” she had too much time without feeling herself be  _ vulnerable  _ but there she was. Too many ‘I love you’s was more of a Danna or Dara thing to do, but she had to reach Audrey and make her see that it was the new reality. “I’ve been so worried with work that I couldn’t keep up with you two, I should have asked more, worried more about you and Damien; and I know is not excuse, but...I’m sorry Drey, I really am. It’s my fault.”

Feeling how Audrey was turning around in her arms, Danielle let her do as she pleased and then she was facing her. Audrey took her hands in hers, squeezing them with care and giving her a kiss to her knuckles.

“You didn’t do anything wrong love,” there was something in Audrey’s voice she couldn’t pick. “I...I was the one pulling away, I should have been braver and tell you,” Danielle could feel how her hands were cold and trembling a bit. “I love you too, Dani, a whole lot indeed...it’s just that I wanted to prove I wasn’t a bother to you.”

“Not in a million years, not even if you tried,” Danielle let out a soft laugh and then look down for a second, gathering her next words. “I...I want you to feel at home with me, because I feel at home with you, and I know it’s hard to tell things, heck that I know that pretty well...but I need you to tell me when something is wrong so we can fix it, so I can fix it…” a light new squeeze to her hands. “From now on...will you tell me? Please?”

Audrey bit her lip, lacing their fingers together to hold Danielle’s hands better. She knew well when people was taking their time to get a proper answer, her job was actually taking in consideration when and how people did that before tracing a new plan of action. Danielle was almost expecting Audrey to give her a white lie...but it wasn’t the case.

“Okay...okay. I’m not sure if I’ll always be able to, however,” there was sincerity in showing in Audrey’s whole demeanour. She was being truthful with what she was saying. “But I’ll try.”

That was enough for Danielle, because sometimes coming from her would be like that until she was able to let her own fears go. Audrey nodded then and she let go of Dani’s hands to go and hug her, finally indulging in the warmth she craved and loved, hiding her face in the hollow of Dani’s neck with her eyes closed. And having her like that, made Danielle feel full again, soothing the overwhelming uneasiness that was shaking her whole. 

“You know? I already feel at home with you, you don’t need to stress much about that...”

How can a single whisper make someone so happy? That was what Danielle thought upon hearing that coming from Audrey, wrapping her more tightly in her arms and giving her all the kisses she wanted to give her during all day. She didn’t care anymore about their problems, at least for the rest of the day, and for those hours she tried not to think much.

Obviously Danielle called Dara to check on Damien, because as much as she was upset herself with what she did, she still loved her daughter very much and that wouldn’t change for nothing in the world. She had to figure out how to balance everything and let her know that she was still there for her, which Danielle made it very clear when she had known all the chaos that had ensued.

But for that night...well, Danielle tried to get some fresh air.

Audrey didn’t bring up the whole thing the rest of the night, they focused in enjoying each other company. Which was nice, because Danielle didn’t want to keep thinking about it. They laughed when their dinner burnt and had to order pizza, they kissed and watched television for a while; and when it was actually time for them to go to bed...well, Audrey realized something.

“Dani, did you bring a change of clothes?”

“Ahm…” the woman blinked for a few seconds in confusion, caught off guard. “Well, you have my sweater if that counts as a change of clothes.”

And that made Audrey start to laugh, genuine and pure laugh, because that was something unlike Danielle. To not have something planned, to just go with the flow, and when Audrey had to search for some sweatpants for her to change, well, more laughs were there.

There was something charming in how Audrey’s sweatpants did fit Danielle, but the length was hilarious. For once she felt good lending her girlfriend some clothes, and she felt even better when Danielle got in bed by her side and opened her arms to cuddle her.

For sure that was something to celebrate, but Audrey knew all the effort Danielle was doing to make her feel loved and comfortable. So the only thing she did was to go get cuddled, giving kisses as little ‘thank you’s and basically let herself start to be loved again.

But there was a little something bugging her, a little something that was the real culprit of this whole mess they had to face.

“Danielle…?” Dani was half asleep already, but hummed in response to let Audrey know she was listening. “What happened to the diary?”

It took a few seconds for Danielle to reply, the memory of having the notebook in her hands. Notebook that she didn’t dare to open and decided destroy with the paper shredder right away. If she had to know something, she wanted Audrey to tell her because she trusted in her.

“It’s gone Drey. Don’t care about that anymore.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was a total mess…but I wanted to give that sensation. Not everything is nice, not everything gets a good resolution, and even when it seems it does…well, it doesn’t. The thing is…I want you all to know this is one of the first approaches I do to AudreyDanielle’s relationship, and they are troubled for sure, so take it with a bit of love, okay? They for sure are trying to be better.


End file.
